Just another mistake?
by purplepagoda
Summary: Addison fic. Set after she goes to California.
1. Surprise

Four days before christmas: Addison walks out through the open elevator doors, and breezes past Del.

"Nice to see you too," he says quietly as she stamps into her office.

She's rather quiet, or antisocial the rest of the day depending on how you look at it. Finally lunch rolls around. She finds herself sitting at the table eating a peanut butter sandwich, and hoping that noone talks to her. After a few minutes Violet and Naomi look at each other. Violet shrugs her shoulders and continues eating.

"Are you ok? You've been pretty quiet today," Naomi probes.

"I'm fine," she mumbles.

"Are you sure?"

She swallows the final bite of her sandwich, and then answers, "Yup." she gets up from the table. She throws away the crust of her bread, and a napkin on her way out the door. She heads from her the break room to her office. The end of the work day comes not a moment too soon. Addison is waiting for the elevator doors to close when a hand stops them, and Violet gets in.

Addison stares at her shoes.

"Are you ok?" Violet asks.

"Yes I'm fine," insists in a grumpy tone.

"Ok,"

Addison stares at her watch.

"Do you have any plans for Christmas?" Violet questions.

"Nope,"

"Well we have a little party at Naomi's every year after work on the twenty third. It's sunday at nine if you want to come,"

"I really can't I've got a ton to do,"

"Ok," Violet sighs as the elevator doors open and Addison brushes past her.

When she finally gets home she grows very impatient when she can't find her keys. Finally she pulls them out of a pocket in her purse and unlocks the door. She throws open the door and storms in. She shuts and locks the door behind her. She drops her stuff and slides down the door.

This was absolutely wonderful. She was alone on Christmas. That wasn't even the worst part. There were several things that were worse actually. How could this happen to her? You'd think that she'd be smarter, but obviously not. It didn't matter she was screwed any way you looked at it.

Flashback: _Halloween: She didn't exactly understand how they could all be so cheerful. With the candy, and the smiles. She tried to put on a happy face. She hated being here. It wasn't at all what she thought that it was going to be. Oh well, she'd find a way to fix it. After work she went to some bar. She had a few too many drinks, and she didn't remember anything after that. She remembered waking up the next morning alone in her bed with no idea how she got home_

End of flashback. --------------------------------------------------

Now this. She should have had it figured out much sooner, but the truth was sometimes she was an idiot. All the education in the world didn't prepare her for the real world. As tears flow down her cheeks she walks over to the answering machine. The light is flashing. She pushes the button, and immediately wishes that she hadn't. She hears several voices wishing her a merry Christmas.

Voices of her old friends, and them too. Especially her. The whore, of course was who she was talking about. She picks up the answering machine and forcefully throws it to the ground. It doesn't even get a scratch on it. She tries to wipe away the tears but they just keep coming. She wonders into the kitchen, and opens the fridge. She sees a beautiful bottle smiling back at her. She takes it out and unscrews the top. She smells it, and then walks over to the sink. She pours the mostly full bottle into the sink. She screws the lid back on once the contents are completely gone, and tosses it in the trash can.

Seven weeks had gone by, and she felt like time was standing still. That was, of course, until this morning. This morning was when she was smacked back into reality. When she flipped on the news before work she had seen the date. She hadn't even realized that it was winter. It was as if she had missed nearly two months of her life. And she had in a sense.

She stopped thinking about that morning, and was brought back into the present. She looked over at the door, and saw the ominous plastic bag. She didn't really need it to tell her anything, she already knew, but she had to be sure. She picks the bag up off the floor and goes into the bathroom. She turns on the water in the bathtub, undresses, and uses the bathroom. By this point the bathtub is half way full. She gets into the warm water, and closes her eyes momentarily. She turns off the water with her feet. And turns on the radio next to the bathtub. She closes her eyes and listens as she waits. Finally she reaches for a towel. She dries off her hand and turns off the radio. She pulls the plug on the tub, and gets out. She dries off, and puts on pajamas which consist of a t-shirt and a pair of boxers. She was in a very frumpy mood. She dries her hair, and heads for bed, even though it's only eight o'clock.

She sleeps undisturbed all night. She has crazy dreams, but it doesn't deter her from her ultimate goal of sleeping. She wakes up at seven thirty. She flips on the T.V. and is suddenly reminded of what a crappy day it is going to be. She turns the T.V. off, and goes to the bathroom. After seeing the answer she returns to her bedroom.

She immediately begins to kick herself.

"How could I have not known this by now?" she asks herself.

Seven weeks was a long time for her not to know. It was a long time for her not to even suspect. She definitely should have she felt crappy enough. She gets dressed, and goes in to work. Not to work, but for different reasons.

When she gets there she's relieved to find that there isn't anyone there. She finds what she's looking for. Not that it was an object, but she finds it just the same. Afterwards she goes into her office, and sits down at the desk. She doesn't even bother to turn the light on. She just stares down at her desk in her dark, quiet office. She hears the elevator ding. She hears the doors open, and close. She hears footsteps. She opens her drawer and brushes something from the surface of her desk into the drawer. As she shuts the drawer she sees Naomi walk by. Naomi stops and takes a few steps back. She turns and looks at Addison's office. She squints and then moves toward the door. She opens the door flips on the lights and steps in.

"What are you doing here?" Naomi asks.

"Just sitting here," Addison replies.

"In the dark?"

"I can think better in the dark," Addison tells her.

"What were you thinking about?"

"I was trying to figure out a way to reorganize my files. Wait what are you doing here?"

"I came to get Maya's presents,"

"Why are Maya's presents here?"

"Because she's a teenager and if I don't hide them she finds them,"

"Why couldn't you keep them at Sam's?"

"Because she was at Sam's this week,"

"Oh,"

"Why are you really here Addison?"

"Just going over a few things,"

"Like what?"

"Just some files,"

"Ok,"

Naomi leaves the room. After retrieving Maya's Christmas presents she finds that Addison is gone.

When Addison returns home she collapses on her bed. She closes her eyes and hopes that when she opens them it will all just have been a dream. But instead when she opened her eyes she just felt terrible.

"This is great," she says aloud as she heads toward the bathroom.

While she was brushing her teeth she tried to think back. She couldn't remember.

Flashback: _That morning it was raining. She remembered that it was raining. This time it was just sprinkling actually. But it was grey and disgusting looking. She remembered the smell._

As she remembers the smell she nearly chokes while brushing her teeth. She's able to regain her composure, and continue to try to remember that day.

_She remembers the smell of cologne. Not a cheap cologne, but definitely a strong one. She reaches over and feels nothing but a warm void. She feels the cold, and pulls the sheet up. Her toes stick out from under the sheet. She sits up and feels cool, clean air from the a/c hitting the swab of her naked back. She looks on the floor and sees her clothes from the previous night. _

End of flashback.

That's all she can remember. For some reason she can't for the life of her remember the night before. Between her first drink, and waking up there was nothing at all. Not even pieces of anything. She rinses her toothbrush off in the sink, and puts it back in the medicine cabinet.

What was she going to do now? That was the damning question. Was there a good answer? Probably, but she didn't know what it was yet. She knew what she was going to do, but she just didn't know how she was going to get there.


	2. Get it together

She goes into the living room, and finds her purse. She pulls an item out and returns to her room with it. She stares at it for a solid ten minutes. It's the same thing that she had put in her desk drawer earlier.

"Come on Addison get it together," she tells herself.

She closes her eyes momentarily to clear her head. Instead of closing them momentarily she ends up drifting off. Most likely from the lack of anything to eat so far in the day, on top of everything else. She wakes up less than ten minutes later when she hears a noise. It turns out that it's just the air kicking on. She returns to reality. She looks her problem straight in the eye, well in a matter of speaking.

Truthfully, she wanted to crawl in a hole and hide, but she knew that it wasn't going to work. So finally admits it. To herself anyway. It would probably be a while before she told anyone else. She was going to wait as long as possible. Which, in reality might not be very long.

"I'm pregnant," she says a loud to herself.

She starts panicking of course. _I'm pregnant. I'm having a baby. Oh good lord, this isn't happening. I don't want to be someone's mother. I do, but not today. I'm not ready for this. But I'm an adult so I should pull it together. I'm forty years old I shouldn't be so scared. _She decides that this internal dialogue is getting her no where. So she stops before she completely drives herself crazy.

She had to admit though seven weeks was a long time for a woman not to know that they were pregnant. It was especially a long time for an ob/gyn not to know that she was pregnant. All the signs were there, but she had just been to busy to notice them. The throwing up should have definitely tipped her off. She figured that it had just been something that she ate, but obviously it hadn't been.

She was going to lose her mind if she didn't talk to someone. She couldn't tell anyone that she worked with because she didn't want to have to see whoever she told in person for some time. She racks her brain, and finally comes up with a solution. She finds her phone and begins dialing a familiar number. Luckily the voice she's hoping for answers after a few rings.

"Hello?"

"Hi Miranda it's Addison. Are you busy?"

"Not for you,"

"If you are it's ok," she says in a shaky voice.

"Addison is everything alright? You sound upset,"

"No everything isn't alright. I needed someone to talk to and..."

"I understand. What's going on?"

"Never mind," she says chickening out.

"Addison nothing you could tell me should embarrass you. Remember when you had poison ivy?"

"True,"

"It can't be as bad as that can it?"

"I don't know. It isn't as embarrassing, although it's close,"

"Addison spit it out,"

"I did something stupid,"

"I work at a hospital, it's stupid central it can't be that bad,"

"How is everyone?"

"They're fine now tell me what's going on,"

"I got drunk..."

"You called to tell me that?"

"No. I got drunk and I slept with someone but I don't have any idea who,"

"That's not good,"

"No. But it gets worse,"

"How?"

"I don't have any idea who they are because I don't remember them at all,"

"Then how do you know that you slept with someone?"

"I remember the next morning,"

"So? Maybe you just over interpreted things,"

"I don't think so Miranda,"

"Addison it's not that big of a deal. We've all done stupid things before. L.A. is a big town you'll probably never see him again, so I wouldn't worry about it,"

"But I need to figure out who he is,"

"Why it isn't like you're pregnant or something. Is it?"

There's silence on the other end of the phone.

"Addison are you still there?" Miranda asks.

"Uh huh,"

"Are you going to answer my question?"

"Yes,"

"Ok?"

"Why else would I care who it was?"

"I don't know. So are you telling me that you are pregnant?"

"Yes,"

"Are you sure? Maybe you're not,"

"I'm sure Miranda,"

"How sure?"

"Pretty sure. I mean I got pregnant on halloween, so I think that I'm sure,"

"You're just now telling me?"

"I just now realized,"

"How did you just now realize? You're an ob/gyn,"

"I know. I feel like a complete and total idiot. I'm seven weeks pregnant and I just realized that something was off yesterday,"

"How could you just have realized yesterday?"

"I don't know. You'd think I would have figured it out after the perpetual state of nausea that I've been in,"

"So you're a hundred percent sure?"

"Yes I'm looking at a picture right now,"

"Oh,"

"What do I do?"

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. I feel so dazed an confused. I don't want this,"

"I thought that you did,"

"Yeah but not this way. Not now. It's not a good time,"

"When would be a good time?"

"I don't know. I just wanted to be prepared to take this step when I was ready, not have it sprung on me. I thought I don't know what I thought. I guess that I just wanted to be in a relationship before this happened,"

"Addison it happens every day to ordinary people, you'll be fine,"

"How do you know? I'm not ready for this,"

"You've got time to figure it out,"

"I don't know,"

"Look Addison I've got to go my little guy just woke up,"

"Ok, bye," she hangs up.

"Why now?" she asks a loud as if she was waiting for an answer.

She didn't get a response, because it was something that she'd have to figure out on her own.

The following day when she got up she felt sicker than usual. After a while she started dry heaving. Finally she stopped. She was shaky, and felt light headed. She went to the store for some sprite, and decided that she had nothing better to do so she might as well go to the Christmas party. She grabs a box of Christmas cards, and goes to the register. She stops off and gets some gift cards as well. As soon as she gets home she pours herself a glass of sprite. She takes a sip as she opens up the box of cards. She writes each of her co-workers a little message, and slips a gift card in each envelope, finally sealing them each with a gold sticker. She takes few more sips of her drink, and then goes in to the bathroom to shower. She proceeds to get ready. As she slips on her shirt she momentarily looks at her mirror. She takes a deep breath and then exhales. She stares at herself in the mirror for a few minutes. She didn't really look any different at all. She stared at her stomach it was as flat as it had ever been. Right? She couldn't tell, and if she couldn't no one else was going to know. Hopefully no one else would know. She places her hand on her stomach for a second, and then goes back to getting ready.

When she's ready she gathers her stuff, and heads to Naomi's.

It's ten til four when she arrives. She rings the doorbell. She hears laughing, and then footsteps. Violet opens the door.

"Oh good you came," she smiles.

"Uh huh. I'm not too early am I?"

"No,"

"Are you sure? It's pretty quiet,"

"It's just Naomi and I. We always tell the guys five. We like to have at least an hour to talk about them before they get here,"

"Oh," Addison smiles.

"Any way come on in,"

Violet leads her into the kitchen.

"Look who changed her mind," Violet smiles, as Addison follows behind her.

"Hi,"

"Are you hungry?" Naomi asks.

"No I'm fine, thanks,"

"Want something to drink? We just opened up a nice bottle of wine," Violet adds.

"_Hell, yes," is what she wanted to say. _But instead she answers, "No thanks,"

"You sure?"

"Uh huh I try not to drink,"

Violet and Naomi both begin laughing. After they recover Naomi asks "Why not?"

"I'm a really bad drunk," she admits.

"You don't have to get drunk," Violet points out.

"I've got an addictive personality," she replies.

"Ok. If you plan on not drinking I'd stick to..."

"I think I've got some ginger ale in the fridge,"

"Ok,"

They party goes smoothly. They play games, exchange gifts, and eat. Addison doesn't eat anything even though everyone else does. Finally she decides to go home around eight thirty. She gets home just after nine. Sam gets home around ten. He looks over and sees that Addison's light is on. He sees her laying on the floor. He refocuses and sees something that looks like blood. He leaves his apartment and goes to hers. He knocks and there is no response. He tries the door hoping that it's unlocked. Luckily it is unlocked. He rushes through the door, and over to Addison. He sees glass surrounding her as well as blood. He picks her up out of the shards of glass from the broken table, and places her on the couch. He finds paper towels, and an unopened bottle of peroxide on the counter of the kitchen. He wipes the blood off of her hand, and pours peroxide on it. The sensation jolts her out of a state of unconsciousness. She opens her eyes and sees him kneeling down next to her.

"What are you doing here?"

"Are you ok?" He asks her as he wraps a few paper towels around her hand.

"Yeah why?"

"You were unconscious. What happened?"

"When I got home I felt dizzy, I thought I might pass out, and I reached out for the table to steady myself, but I must have passed out,"

"Do you have a medical condition?"

"No I just didn't eat very much today. I'm fine really,"

"Do you have some thread, and a needle?"

"Why?"

"I want to stitch your hand up,"

"Oh yeah I'll go get it," she says as she gets off the couch.

"You sure you're ok?"

"I'm fine," she tells him as she leaves the room. She finds her medical bag, and comes back into the living room. Sam has just finished cleaning up all of the glass. She sits back down on the couch and hands Sam her medical bag.

"Here you go,"

He grabs the needle and thread off the top of the open bag and sits down next to her.

"Can I see your hand,"

She extends her right hand which is wrapped up in blood soaked paper towels. He gives her a few stitches and then cleans off her hand, and throws all of the bloodied paper towels away.

"Are you sure that you're ok?"

"Yeah, but I'd really appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone. It's embarrassing. I don't want to look like an idiot.,"

"Low blood sugar isn't embarrassing."

"I guess not but..."

"Don't worry about it. I won't tell anyone," he promises. She smiles in appreciation as he leaves.


End file.
